"I chase sunsets in hopes of meeting you at the horizon where heaven and earth collide" - Unknown
Yesterday would of been my Dad's 60th Birthday. I have been tense coming up to this date, unsure how my body will respond. Will it fall apart, shut down, convulse, or go numb at the unimaginable? He was suppose to make 60, he was suppose to make 80 too.... I feel like he was robbed, I was robbed. I feel frustrated and angry and an emotion unknown to me, I don't think there is a word for it. If I picture it, its a smokey blackness. Yesterday I decided to take the day off work and have a day where there was zero obligation. No smiling out of politeness or balancing of work/life. No anxiety over what needs to be done or running around cramming everything in to a ridiculous day. I wanted a day just to sit and be with his memory, try and feel his presence that I so dearly miss. Connect with him by connecting with the girl he created. We lived in separate countries, 10 years of distance. Whenever we spoke I would let him know he was missed. He would always say "Go live your life kid, cause no ones going to live it for you' So I have decided to spend his birthdays moving forward as a day for living. That could be a day at the beach soaking in the glorious warmth of the sun or doing something crazy and facing a fear but it will be 100% true to however I feel at that moment. Its a promise to be present, living in the moment for a whole day in memory to the person I knew who did that better than anyone else. So, life after death, what happens next? There is the concept of reincarnation, that we come back again for another round. That our soul never dies. I find a lot of comfort in this. They say your closest friends and family follow you through every cycle. That your best friend may be your husband next or was your mother, that souls know no age or gender. I think my Dad is up in heaven or wherever that may be, sitting down for a debrief with who ever co-creates this magnificent world we live in. He had learnt whatever great lesson he had seeked and will pick whatever he needs to work on next, and Ill be right by his side in one form or another. Always teaching each other to be our best selves. I love you Dad.
0 Comments
"Intention is one of the most powerful forces there is. What you mean when you do a thing will always determine the outcome. The law creates the world." - Brenna Yovanoff
Someone once told me that Intention was like the opening arch of the spiritual journey. It is the glorious entrance into understanding a higher self. The idea behind setting your intention makes you focus right down into the centre of what it is you are hoping to achieve. Does your desire align with what you are striving for spiritually? Are you actions coming from a place of love or fear? What energy are you bringing into your world and those of your community? Every morning I wake up and set my intent. At first I found it difficult to understand the difference between a goal and intention. I feel that a goal is all about the ‘get’. I want to achieve a, b and c which will result in getting x. Intent is more about who you want to be for the sake of your soul rather than any material gains (although an authentic you will always be your best self so it could lead you to a more materialistically rich life). For an example a goal may be to score well on an upcoming exam. Where the intent for the day of the exam would be to; release a natural flow of knowledge from my mind to page. I particularly like to write down my intent and keep it with me when I know I have a difficult day ahead. When I have to meet with a client that I may find rude or off putting I would set my intent for the day to be about radiating love and kindness so when I walk into the room I have set the energy I want, to wrap them in kindness and take away some of their sharp edges. There have been times when I have been engaged in conversation with a friend or colleague and been disturbed to find that within myself the intent was coming from fear, that deep down you know if what you are doing, the intention behind it, is not from a good place. So give it a go, set your intent for the day , check in before you speak, before you gossip or put your 2 cents worth in, what is your intention, and does it feel good with your authentic self or is it your fear tricking you? Follow me on Instagram to check out a few of my daily Intentions! "Some people come into your life as blessings, Some people come into your life as lessons." - Mother Theresa.
Today was a great test for my new spiritual awareness. I was set with an emotional challenge. I felt deceived by a colleague at work and had to decide whether I would pull out from a commitment I had made with them or put my emotions aside and provide an unbiased well thought through calm and strategic contribution to the commitment. Normally in a situation like this I would talk to as many people as I could, gather everyone’s ‘advice’ when really I was seeking validation that my feelings of deception and frustrating were justified and how terrible this person has been to do such a thing to me, enter my latest victim story. Then I would enter the commitment with a frame of mind that I was going to prove how right I was and seek retribution to the deception. I would then walk away filled with fear that I had sabotaged my relationship with said colleague and be disgusted by my rampage. So when I got the word today of what had happened I had a small but controlled vent to my beloved who is the ying to my yang and so nonchalant to my little outbursts. I then thought about who would be best to give me a single piece of advice, and called a friend who naturally removes emotion from any business situation. I purposefully only gave him facts and detailed how I felt rather than focusing on the downfalls of my colleague. Throughout the day the upcoming event was on my mind, would I be able to rise above and be the emotionally mature person I wanted to be, to be open minded rather than determined to be right, physically I felt a little sick. Then I had a moment of clarity. The universe has presented me with a similar situation so many times in my life its hard to believe I have responded in the same way so many times, over and over again. Someone out there must be hitting their head against a wall, when will she get it! There has to be a lessons in this emotionally charged situation, what could it be, and what could the gift be? Tonight as I write I am proud of myself, I walked through the event with a smile on my face, a steady calm breath, an open mind and could feel my heart radiate. Regardless of the overall outcome, regardless whether there was deceit or not, those are someone else’s life lessons, mine was to learn to control my reaction, not the situation and open my mind to the concept that just because my opinion has been voiced does not mean it will be followed. "Quiet the mind and the soul will speak" - Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati
Meditation. It sounds like such an indulgent thing to do, a luxury of ones use of time, there is something quite worldly and wise about it. If you search for a book to help you learn about how to meditate, you have to go to the new age section. It does make me laugh; the earliest known written records of meditation are from India around 1500 BC, hardly what I would refer to as new. But in today’s society it either falls into two buckets. New Age – Which the Urban Dictionary refers to as 60’s hippies now adults without drugs or cause to support. Or Wellness – They biggest trend of the millennia. It is the era of proving to the world that you have ticked every box, your successful, rich, the perfect mother, crave nothing but green beans and chia seeds, hate the taste of anything that includes sugar and of course the ultimate. Being happy, you can have it all! If you google Wellness it brings up “trillion dollar industry” or “Wellness Tourism” not quite what I had in mind. However as you begin to read about meditation you begin to see that it has been an humble part of everyday life for a variety of indigenous cultures all over the globe. Meditation, to many cultures, is not hyped, new age or trendy it is as routine as brushing your teeth when you wake up in the morning. To get me started and make sure I’m not just lying down and taking a nap for 10 minutes a day I tried a variety of App’s (I will make sure to include Steve Jobs to my gratitude journal). I am currently using Headspace, DigiPill and Smiling Mind. Depending on how I am feeling I may pick Smiling Mind if I just need a bite-sized 2 minutes, or perhaps some hypnotic music to really clear our those thoughts from Digipill. For the majority so far Headspace has been the closest to what I think meditation for feel like for me. I do feel slightly more relaxed and had a very productive day yesterday working from home, something I do struggle to stay on track with. I am a habitual procrastinator, believing my greatest strengths always appear the minute before any deadline, one of the many things I would like to change about myself and hope to address as part of my quest for spiritual enlightenment. "And suddenly you know... It's time to start something new and trust the magic of new beginnings" - Meister Eckhart
|
AuthorWoman. Lover. Fur Mother. Creative Archives
December 2016
Categories
All
|