Do you like receiving compliments? How about giving compliments, are you an every day'er or does something have to really impress you to speak up? How about with your friends, do you regularly share or is it for only certain friends? Does it always feel good to tell someone they are looking great, or is there that girl in the office you bite your tongue on? When I was in my early 20's I worked for a well known jeweller. The business had a very rigid 8 step sales process. The 2nd step was to walk past the customer and compliment them in a "I am busy doing shit but had to stop because that is just so eye catching' kind of way. While it was excellent practice at finding something lovely to say to most people, it was also incredibly artificial and has made me cringe a bit when receiving compliments. When you receive a compliment that feels contrived it leaves you feeling the opposite, that this top doesn't look great on you, actually its showing an abundant amount of back fat that you are pretending is not really there. A close friend of mine who is very beautiful recently observed that she rarely receives compliments from other women. She herself always takes the time to stop and tell someone they look great if she truly believes it, but she can watch a room of women compliment each other but somehow not one comes her way. And it made me think, what do compliments say about us? I thought about my own behavior and how it feels to compliment someone. I do enjoy seeing someone's face light up, and it makes me feel really good about myself. I can hear my mothers proud voice 'You are such a nice girl' and ten year old me is on cloud nine. I notice that I don't compliment as much as I could and I think this goes back to the days at the jeweller, not wanting to come across as a fraud. Other reasons for not receiving compliments could of course be because of our dear friend jealousy. By saying something nice about you it makes me feel small. Or a fear of exposure and lack of trust in that person. If I say your arms are looking great does that mean you now know I really hate my own arms. And by you knowing that will I get hurt? Sometimes it can be passive aggressive and almost a form of bullying if you ensure you hand out your warm fuzzy compliment gifts but leave out the girl you perceive to be queen bee. That by someone withholding your love for her killer jacket reduces the 'gap' you have in your mind. What about the person in your life who has the most visible confidence, to a point where you think it might be a bit too much confidence, do you compliment them? And if not, why not? As we know the people who come across as the most confidence are the ones with the most self doubt, to afraid to show any vulnerability. The thing people forget is that compliments are extremely powerful. As the compliment-er it gives you a lift, you feel wonderful doing a good deed, you strengthen your relationships with friends and acquaintances, people are drawn to others who make them feel good. As the receiver it energizes you. All day you go about your day-to-day with the reminder in the back of your head that you look great. Suddenly you know what your going to wear, because you got a compliment in that top, skirt, jacket, whatever. That one compliment can make a difference hours, days, weeks, months after it was received. So I call on all ladies everywhere to embrace the compliment. Make an effort today to find something beautiful in a friend, colleague or someone random in the street and TELL THEM. A compliment wont cost you a thing, but it can make a massive difference in someones day. LH xx
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AuthorWoman. Lover. Fur Mother. Creative Archives
December 2016
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